Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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