if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
