Apparently you make a good broom.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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