Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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