Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
