he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My ass is underappreciated
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
