another moral hangover. fuck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
