I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
