One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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