I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
