your parents love me but you hate me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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