No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
