Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
