quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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