I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
