reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
