is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
