There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
