Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
