life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
