he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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