I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
