so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
