I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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