I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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