No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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