I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
