I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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