from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
