I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
