Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
