i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
