the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
