cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
