we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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