everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
