Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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