The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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