The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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