halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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