he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
