he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
