i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
