it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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