Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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