This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
