I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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