RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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