Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
