Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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