Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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