New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
