just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
