I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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