my phone needs a breathalizer
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
